I am a child. I'll last a while.
I am a child. In many respects.These thoughts spanned out on the basis of an apparently unheeded remark from a friend of mine.
In certain aspects of my life, maturity lacks. I too often turn to people for guidance and advice, place them on a pedestal, as authorities. Perhaps seeking a substitution for the parenting I never received. This I have found to be quite dangerous in the closest of intimate relationships, I am depending on a partner to such an extent, that the whole relation might bare a formidable imbalance.
I also see that child many of my cognitive processes and in my behaviour. I often retreat to being a child, I regress, wilfully, for I associate childhood with happiness. On some plane, I might be acting this childish out of the misguided idea that I might be more happy that way - act happy, an I will consequently be happy.
There is much room for maturation, reflection.
Who do I want to be? A mature, healthy, content, beautiful and spirited woman. I need to let go of that 'perfect peaceful street where we grew up' - I need to stop idealizing childhood as the only moment of happiness in my life. I can and will be happy. Satisfied. With what life gives me, with what I do to continually better myself as a person, in accordance to those people that surround me, but also the world in general.
I wish to be productive, give something back, do something meaningful, of value in the greater context. I do not wish to singlehandedly save the world. But I will be a good person and a good human. Respectful. Kind. Loving.
I yearn to grow up. To be a woman, not a girl. To empower myself. To grow strong. I will be no child.